Further to Live and Let Live

On Sunday I discussed the seemingly constant cry for women to cut their hair that seems to permeate all media.

I really appreciated all of the comments left on that blog entry and the emails. A point was raised that of course, women cutting their hair into particular styles keeps the women going back to the hair salons and that is completely true.

The world of beauty and fashion would be nowhere without changing styles. With regard to hair, new hair cuts and styles leads to more business for hair salons, it creates a need for certain new styling products and appliances, and generally benefits all businesses who have a stake in the hair market.

So I do understand why beauty and fashion editors will discuss the latest trends in hair, which will then in turn benefit their sponsors.

What I don't understand however, is why they can't just show off the latest styles without putting down people who dare to be different. It's one thing to show what's hot right now; it's another to insult an entire group of people.

It seems to be a constant that long-haired women of a certain age are treated as unstable people who are either trying to recreate our youth or to trap a man. There are endless articles trying to uncover the "hidden reasons" why a woman over 35 or so would choose to wear long hair.

The really sad thing is that so many women buy into it. I wouldn't mind if they just bought into it for themselves alone, but it so often seems that women are on a mission to change other women who don't fit into the current fashion mold.

I myself have had hurtful things said to me about the length of my hair and my age, and by people very close to me. For the most part, I get compliments on my hair, but the negative comments, especially from friends and loved ones, do sting. I can't lie.

So once again, I ask you to support your sisters in whatever their style happens to be, whether they wear a brush cut or hair down to their ankles. We women are so much stronger when we are supportive of one another's differences rather than expecting everyone to be the same and belittling those who are not. 

Wouldn't a world where we all looked and dressed completely alike be boring?  I think so, and I like to celebrate every woman's own unique brand of beauty.

'Til tomorrow, my friends. Much love to all.

xo

Live And Let Live--Please!

I am really getting tired of articles written by beauty reporters and fashion consultants who think that very long hair simply needs to be cut. I was pointed to the direction of this blurb, written by the Allure Daily Beauty Reporter.


I really felt annoyed that the reporter had to put down a woman for proudly having hair down to her buttocks, and then going the extra mile to figure out the psychological reasons why some women are "afraid" to cut their hair.

While I have no doubt that some women cut their hair for psychological reasons, and others keep their hair long for psychological reasons, I truly believe that most women wear their hair at the particular length they wear it simply because that's the way they like it.


Of course there are also religious and cultural reasons why some women keep their hair very long.


Once in a blue moon, I read similar articles about women with short hair, but the focus is almost always on long hair. And by long hair, usually beauty editors mean anything longer than collarbone length.


Why is there this seemingly constant need in the beauty industry to suggest that women need to cut their hair? Particularly, women who have reached middle age are picked on for having long hair. If a woman feels beautiful with her hair at whatever length she wears it, that's good enough for me. I wish that we women would all be more supportive of one another's unique style.

Isn't that what it's really all about?


I hope everyone had a beautiful weekend.

'Til tomorrow, my friends. Much love to all and extra hugs to anyone who is ill today.
xo

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Yet More Rules

Thank you everyone for your comments to yesterday's posts. It's clear that many of us see or have felt the peer pressure of the die-hards at the long hair forums. All of us who have or want to have long, healthy hair need to educate ourselves on the dangers of various methods or treatments, or we might be where I was before I joined LHC. Before LHC, I was blow-drying, heat styling and colouring, and I always had to cut my hair once it got below APL, because it would just be too thin and broken, and often I had a lot of split ends.

So don't get me wrong, I was not complaining about the Long Hair Community. I love the place. They have given me so much advice and support. Sometimes though, a vocal few make it seem as though there is only one "right way" and for a new member, it can be hard to see past that. I think some of that stems from the fact  that people who make the less popular choices are quiet about it.

I just believe that once we are educated, we need to decide for ourselves what is going to be best for us. In my case, I know I'm sacrificing what could be a longer ultimate length by colouring my hair. However, thanks to LHC knowledge, I make other healthy choices that keep my coloured hair the best it can be.

Ideally, that's what a support forum should be; a place to get the information we need, but to be able to then make our own choices once we have the information and still feel supported.

Well, I suppose that if I were to get a perm on top of my hair colour and then use a curling iron every day, I would get little support, but if I were doing all of those things, I would have to know that I would not be having healthy long hair. I don't even know if I would have healthy chin length hair if I did all those things.

Just when I was feeling a bit frustrated yesterday by a yet another new member feeling apologetic over a hair choice, again thinking that there was only one way to grow long hair, I was frustrated once again by the media.

Yesterday on the Today show, there was a topic about long hair on older women. It was inspired by the article from the New York Times that I cited last week. The author of that article was on the segment as well as a "hairdresser to the stars", interviewed by Meredith Vieira.

I don't ordinarily watch that show, but I did get a link from LHC and watched the segment.

It was a 2-part piece, first with a two-minute packaged report that was all about older women wearing longer hair these days. The rest of the segment was a live discussion hosted by Meredith Viera. One of the guests was the author of the New York times article, who is 56 with long salt and pepper hair. The other guest was a hairstylist who agrees that times are changing and older women often look good with longer hair.

It was meant to be a positive piece about long hair on older women. I think. At least it started that way. The woman from the Times talked about her experiences and her conviction to wearing long hair. The hairstylist noted that many women have a softer look when their hair is longer.

However, things began to change. The hairstylist made it clear that by long hair, she meant hair that is no longer than collarbone length. She also made it clear that some sort of face framing layers are a must for older women. Finally, she said that grey hair and long hair do not go together. In fact I think she was against grey hair at all, to be honest.

There was also a very strong hint that in order to wear even the "acceptable" length of long hair for older women, we must be physically fit and not overweight. Well, currently I'm about 20 pounds overweight, which I'm not happy about, and if I cut off my hair and went for a short cut, I'd really be feeling bad about myself.

So in short, according to this expert, women who want long hair in middle age can have long hair, but only if we satisfy certain conditions.

You can see the Today show segment here, as long as it's still up and running.

I was so delighted by that article last week, but not so delighted by that TV segment. Is there ever going to be a day when an expert will come out and say that women should just wear our hair in the way that makes us feel beautiful? Is there ever going to be a day when society just accepts and respects individual style? I don't know, but if I ever hear tell of it, I'll let you know.

'Til tomorrow, my friends. Much love to all.
xo

Another Of My Long Hair Inspirations

While I have mentioned some of the long hair inspirations of my youth, I have never talked about the woman that really made me finally decide that growing my hair long when I was over 45 was okay.

Up until then, I was buying into the idea that I had to be stylish and age-appropriate to some degree. I thought that being older, heavier and no longer being able to look glamorous meant that long hair was not for me.

It was Tyne Daly in her role as Maxine Gray in the TV show Judging Amy that made me re-think all of that. I liked the down-to-earth, homey personality of Maxine, and her common sense approach to life. And I loved her long silver hair.

As characters go, I identified more closely to the character of Amy, who was closer in age to me, and was raising a child. However, I would often find myself looking at Maxine, and thinking how much I admired that she (and of course Tyne Daly who played her) defied convention and had long hair for her own pleasure only.

I enjoyed seeing her going to work with her hair pulled back in a simple bun. Most of all, I enjoyed watching her in the scenes at home late at night when she might have her hair down, or in a long braid that laid over her shoulder.

It opened my eyes to the idea that it's not only okay to be an individual, and that it's okay to have long hair as a woman of a certain age, but to the idea that I could grow my hair for no one else except for myself.

Tyne Daly broke all of the Hollywood rules. Was she slim? No. Did she dye her hair? No. Was she over 50 and wearing long hair? Yes. How wonderful is that?!?

Honestly, at this point I don't even remember exactly how long her hair was, but I do remember thinking how soft and feminine she looked in those at-home scenes when she was in a bathrobe perhaps, and wearing her hair loose. Most of all, I remember that she possessed that unique brand of beauty that comes from simply being oneself.

It was an idea that I liked. I realized that I had not missed my chance to wear my hair the way I always wanted. And I could do it for no one else other than me.

Yes, Ms Daly has since cut her hair, nevertheless, I will always remember how much she inspired me to be my own person, regardless of what society has to say.

I hope everyone is set for a wonderful weekend.

'Til tomorrow, my friends. Much love to all.
xo

More Thought Provoking Comments, Gender and Gandhi

Some really interesting comments posted about yesterday's blog entry really got me thinking. Do men receive as much unsolicited advice or criticism about their appearance as we women do? Aside from the fact that long hair on men is still not completely socially acceptable, it's unlikely that many men hear many of the comments that we women hear. And frankly, I realized that in my case at least, most of the comments are from women.

Cut your hair, grow it a little. Colour your hair, go natural. Wear some makeup, wear less makeup. Your hair is so curly, you should straighten it. Your hair is so straight, why not get a perm? Ooh, you have a pot belly now. Better hit the gym or go on a diet.  I wonder sometimes how we women have any self-esteem at all.

Agnes, you are correct that so often unsolicited advice has to do with age. It doesn't matter if you're 20 years old or 50 years old; it seems as though age is so often a factor in the "helpful advice" that is given to us. I know it has been for me, since I was a teen.

Men seem to have free license to grow older without being told to change. With the exception of men who have hair that is "too long" for our society, or men who are in the military, I doubt that many men are told what style of hair to wear.

They aren't told to colour their hair when it starts to grey. In fact men are often told how distinguished they look.

They can have a bit of a belly, and walk around shirtless with ease in the summer.

They don't have to decide whether or not to wear makeup and if so, how much is appropriate?

I realize that while advertising, most media and business are largely driven by men, it is we women who are allowing ourselves to buy into the idea that we have to look a certain way in order to be acceptable.

Why is it that we don't support one another's personal preferences more? Why don't we see one another as entire human beings with unique personalities and senses of personal style? Why are young women in their '30s getting plastic surgery on their faces over 40 years after the women's movement became mainstream?

While in many ways we have made huge strides as women in the workforce and in other areas of life, it still seems as though we allow ourselves to be stifled or we attempt to stifle others.

It doesn't make sense.

As regards the age issue, I find it interesting that in my own life, I only really became comfortable in my own skin after I hit the age of 40.

It seems as though I had been someone's daughter, then someone's wife and then someone's mother.  While at the age of 40 I was still all of those, I finally started to have a bit of time to find out just who I am myself. I don't think I appreciated many of my positive qualities as a younger woman, and as a young mother, I pretty much didn't think about anything at all other than my children.

I can tell you with all sincerity that even though I had a nice figure and a 24 inch waist in my 20s, and I'm about 30 pounds heavier today, and 24 inches was several inches ago, I am much more happy with my face and body than I ever was as a young woman.

I don't know how or why  it happened, but as I came to discover the person I really am, I started to love myself just the way I am, spiritually, mentally and physically.

So I think that aging is in so many ways such a blessing. Yes, there are some downsides, but the good stuff is really good.

Perhaps it's really time for us to reassess how we interact with other women and really try to support one another in life rather than subtly or not so subtly knocking one another down.

It is a daunting task, as our society isn't built that way right now, but one by one, we can all change it in little ways every day.

As Gandhi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world"

'Til tomorrow, my friends and much love to all of you. Thank you so much for giving me so much food for thought.