Monday, July 5, 2010

Sometimes I Scare Myself

Wow, it's really hot and humid here today.  The temperature as I write this in late afternoon is 91F/32C but it feels like 107F/41C with the humidity.  It's soooo not my kind of weather. Of course, thunderstorms are in the forecast, but I doubt that it will wash the humidity away.  We're looking at hot temperatures for the rest of the week as well. There is a smog advisory in effect here too as often happens when the humidity and heat are so high.

I have to admit that this kind of weather makes me a bit cranky. If conserving electricity were not so important for both the environment and the pocketbook, I would keep the house cooler, but I can't do that in all good conscience. So it's hotter and more humid in the house than I would like, and my mood is not wonderful.

Now I'm going to sound like a broken record, but if I don't get these thoughts on the page, they will be trapped in my mind, and right now, that would not be a good thing. I guess what I'm about to write is one of the reasons that I call this hair journey of mine a bumpy one. The road never seems to be smooth for terribly long.

Once again, I find that my mood leads me to strange thoughts about my hair. Dissatisfaction kicks in again, and perfectionism rears its ugly head once more. I have a compelling desire to start all over again, to get rid of the damage that I caused two years ago, and to get rid of the breakage that has now grown to just below the nape of my neck.

Of course these are just thoughts.  However, they keep coming back over and over today.  I have promised that I will not cut my hair without mentioning it here, invoking the 2-week rule, and allowing you, my friends, to remind me that it would not be a good choice.  I have no intention of breaking that promise, and I'm not even close to invoking the 2-week rule.

Yet, I keep imagining just how nice it would be to start afresh.

Realistically I know that I would not be happy starting my long hair journey for a 4th time in as many years, and it would be just another act of sabotage. Having an ear-length bob is not where I want to be. I am now getting so close to being able to do more styles with my hair in the coming months.

However, it gets a little scary when I realize that if I were not holding myself accountable not only to me, but to all of you, I could undo years' worth of growth in a matter of mere seconds.  And I wouldn't be able to take it back.  There are no take-backs when hair is cut.

So, while I have had these thoughts today, I will not do any cutting or even trimming until my next scheduled 1/2 inch trim in September or October.  I will do something nice for me and my hair today, and tomorrow, I'm sure that I will be feeling back to normal once again.

I just wonder if and when I'll ever come to a point when I don't have these evil hair days.  I really hope so.  It's not very pleasant.  Was I always like this?  Is it something to do with being menopausal?  Does anyone else go through this?  Am I really this neurotic? I just don't know. Perhaps I'll figure it all out one day. I'm just not there yet.

Love to all.  'Til tomorrow.


  1. You're right there are no take backs when hair is cut. I think we all have evil hair days. Some of us give in to it and some don't.

  2. Unfortunately I do give in and live to regret it. Learn from my mistakes, my friend. That said, I really think your hair is quite gorgeous. Maybe the photos aren't showing what you see, but I would love that head of hair. I look like Einstein with this head. Or Twain. Or King (Don). I am not even close to kidding and when it is long, it simply looks like a longer version of the same. Oh the hair angst.

  3. This reminds me a bit of my own travel lust. I got addicted to moving to a new place for the fresh start.

    The trouble is, I've lived in five different states in the U.S. over the last ten years and three of those were within the last year.

    The fresh start never lasts long. Dissatisfaction comes back. My own issues catch up with me.

    It will be the same with your hair. Any relief from starting fresh will be short lived and then you'll be beating yourself up for how short your hair is.

    Not worth it! Just keep bearing through the tough times and you'll be rewarded with hair as long as you want it. :)

  4. Hi FrannyG,

    I've looked at your website a few times after following the link from your LHC sig. I think you've got gorgeous hair! It's been really inspiring to me to see it, as I have similar fine, fair hair, which I'm hoping to grow longer.

    You know, there are two things I've learnt that help with these kind of thoughts. One is to stand in front of a mirror, about the same distance that another person would stand from you (a friend, say). Now, what do you see? Do you see the flaw? Often we stand 1cm away from the mirror and, well, there are prob only 2 or 3 people in our lives that actually get that close!
    The other thing I've found helps is just to accept that sometimes, we will just have unhelpful thoughts about ourselves. It's part of life. But that doesn't mean that we have to act on them. I find it helpful to just say to myself 'oh, my thoughts are telling me I'd solve my problems if I did X or Y'. So just say hello to the thought, identify what it is, but don't try to push it away. If you pay attention, you'll notice that the thought goes after a while. And then it might pop back up. And then it will go again. Repeat...and repeat. Sometimes this can make those negative thoughts just a little bit less powerful.
    So, keep blogging, and know that you are helping others!

  5. Thank you all so much for your comments and encouragement. It really does mean a lot that others understand.

  6. Don't cut your hair! I have long hair and I had just about given up and cut it because I do the same 3 boring styles everyday. But today, the day I was going to get my hair cut, I found your blog and it's absolutely inspirational! I'm the same way, I refuse to use heat on my hair. So it's great to see easy styles that I can do. Thank you!


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