Sunday, August 15, 2010

Rule #1: There Are No Rules

I really enjoyed the comments in response to yesterday's blog entry. It was nice to hear from people with short hair, long hair, dyed hair, natural hair, and others who break the so-called rules. Obviously I am not alone in the way that I feel.

The title of this entry was my realization today. While there are guidelines to looking one's best and having one's hair look its best there really are no hard and fast rules that we all must follow.

I was remembering today when I first started hearing the "you're too old for that style" remark. I laugh about it now, because I was only 32 years old, still a young woman in my prime and perhaps at the height of my good looks, such as they were. I had gone for a fairly short cut something like Meg Ryan wore at the time, and the hair stylist did a lovely job with it. I felt fabulous.

However, when I went over to visit with my aunts who lived near the salon, they told me that the style was too messy for someone of my age.  "You're no kid anymore, you know.", my one aunt said, and the other aunt nodded vigorously in agreement.

I remember feeling simply floored by the statement. I had to start wearing my hair like a helmet at the age of 32? Ummmmm...

Then a few years later, I grew my hair longer and I was told by the same aunts and some other family members that I needed to cut a few inches off.  I didn't know whether I was coming or going. There were so many rules, but none of them felt like me.

I felt very empowered when I was 45 and discovered The Long Hair Community. Here were people who would be supportive of my long hair quest, even though I was no kid!

This was a place where I could be accepted with my hair just the way it was.

It wasn't long though, before I discovered that within the community, there are several different factions, some of whom believe that their way is the only way.

Not long ago someone sent me a message at the LHC that mentioned that I "should" grow out my fringe.  No reasons given, just that I should grow out my fringe.  Very recently a member whom I don't even know told me I "should" get highlights, as dyeing my hair all one colour is too flat. I did not ask either of these people for advice.

I am should upon enough in the real world that it kind of stings to be should upon by the people whom I thought would accept me the way I am.

Don't get me wrong. I love the LHC and I visit there almost daily. Sometimes I'm just surprised at the attitudes of some of the members.

There are occasions when someone has really visibly damaged hair, and they might ask for very sincere advice. Since I've actually been asked for advice, I might advise that they cut a few inches off. I would not give unsolicited advice however.

Yet there are die-hards there who will scream, "Don't cut off an inch!". I guess some people are really hard core about long hair at any cost.

Having read all of your responses to yesterday's blog entry, I am more committed than ever to doing whatever makes me feel best, whether it flouts societal rules or LHC "rules". So I've decided that when it comes to my own personal style, there simply are no rules other than the ones which make me feel like me. The best me.

Thank you all so much for your input. It was all very interesting and so much appreciated.

'Til tomorrow. My love to all.


  1. I like to come to your blog and read your entries BECAUSE you are doing what you want with your hair and sharing what you have learned with others. I am so glad I found your blog!

  2. Here, here, Melissa is SO right, I totally agree. It's refreshing to find a place where you get great advice along with VERY helpful videos. (which I'm still struggling with, practice, & more practice)

    Franny thank you again for such a thought provocating post.

    All the best,

  3. Franny, I confess that I get the same crap from so-called "well-meaning" family members. When I quit coloring, when I let it grow long, when I cut it...Always something and no one ever likes anything I do. Of late, my sister-in-law tells me that I should color and that it will make me feel younger/better about myself. She also told me that long hair makes one look older. Too much too much too much. I don't even know what I think anymore. And I'm still toying with dying my hair. Michael doesn't want me to simply because he is afraid that I'll scalp myself to get rid of root lines again. I hate myself so much right now that a good scalping might be refreshing. LOL Really...twisting in the wind here. Hair like mine rarely lends itself to feeling good. I don't know what to do or what way to turn any longer. One good hair day leads to 100 bad hair days. So yes...I might have 3.5 good hair days a year.

  4. What I fail to understand is why all the (mostly unsolicited) advice is focused either on looking younger, or on looking one's age. *insert rolling eyes here* Why can't we all just wear our hair as we like, the way we think it suits us best regardless of our age? There is more to a woman's personal style than its relation to her years.

  5. AtumnLeaves, your post had me giggling out loud!! It reminds me of my "down to the wood chop" to get rid of the remaining hair dye. I hated it so much that I cried all the way home from the salon and my poor husband had to console me for days. All of this after months of the dear man listening to me whine about how much I disliked the dried, oxidized ends. So there I was all natural, finally, and crying in the doorway!! By the way, your silver is advice LOL!!.......just saying!

  6. I think the phrase that I hate the most is "you should." That's like being a parent and treating the other person like a child. Not good. I tend to rebel against such things.


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